Grumpy.
I had to take a break for two days from blogging as I felt so utterly grumpy! Combination of things, tiredness was a significant factor and I just didn’t feel like blogging. At first I felt guilty as I had set myself this challenge but then I realised that it is exactly that – a challenge I had set myself! No-one cares if I do it or not, just me. And so really I need to be kinder to myself and cut myself some slack. By Tuesday I was slightly less grumpy but decided that going to bed early was more important than blogging as that might ultimately improve my mood.
Initially I felt like I should manage my mood better and try to cheer myself up. I had those moments of “but I do all this yoga and meditation why aren’t I a zen master etc etc”. Then I had a bit of an “aha” moment that actually through doing “all that” yoga and meditation I came to the awareness that actually being in a bad mood was ok. And I did not need to “snap” myself out of it. I just needed to sit with the discomfort. It has been uncomfortable. Hopefully not too uncomfortable for those around me but definitely not my usual state. Finally 3 days in I am coming out the otherside. The inner voice telling me that I am doing everything wrong and badly is reducing. The voice telling me everything is generally rubbish, the house is a tip, there is too much on, work is too much etc etc is also subsiding. I’ve tried to nourish myself when I can, had the odd mince pie (a bit early but nevermind) and now I am out the otherside. Almost. So the grumpy mood has been a bit of a learning journey for me. And also a realisation that I need to be in the right mood for blogging!